So, I had a conversation with a close family member, and it dawned on me today that one of those generational cycles that a lot of families are stuck in, my family is also repeating. I think we should talk about it.
So, the old saying of, “That’s just how granddaddy is.”Or… “You know how your mama is. That’s your blood, you gotta love them regardless.” I have an unpopular opinion. No, we do not. See, this is what I believe, I understand that may be how granddaddy is and he is entitled to be whoever he is. Granddad is 74 years old, he can do whatever you want to do, but that does not mean I have to accept whatever granddaddy does.
Family is inherited
There are some people out there that have been talked crazy to, mistreated, abused by family members. “Well, you know that’s just how your mama is.” Your mother has been verbally abusing you all your life, completely tearing apart your self-esteem and your confidence. And just because that is your mother, your family would encourage you to keep a negative influence in your life. “That’s your mother, just keep her around,” My question is keep her around for what? We don’t get to pick our family. We get to pick our friends, we get to pick our business partners, we get to pick our romantic relationships, but we don’t get to pick our family.
Why is it that our family are allowed to have free passes to treat us any kind of way? Because, “You know how they are” is not an excuse or justification for poor behavior. No, I don’t know how they are and, in all honesty, we shouldn’t want to understand how they are. I do not want to make sense of why they do the things that they do, because it hurts me. Understanding why said person hurts me would make it become acceptable.I am a firm believer that anything that hurts me has to be removed. Does not matter to me who is doing it. My kids aren’t safe. My parents aren’t safe. My aunts, my uncles, my cousins, are not safe. Nobody is safe! Anybody can get excommunicated from my presence because, at the end of the day, I do not treat anybody less than how I would want to be treated. So if someone is in your life saying something or doing something that negatively affects you, you may have to evaluate your relationship and the value of that relationship. That may require you to govern yourself differently and move accordingly. That generational cycle of, “You know how granddaddy is,” should be retired. The truth is granddaddy is going to be in that house by himself because he doesn’t know how to treat nobody. He will lose relationships with people who he loves because he refuses to grow and improve. If a person chooses to continues showing behavior that is detrimental to the ones around them, then clearly the consequences are not severe enough to enact change. People are allowed to live the life they want to live, and so are you!